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What pushes women to an unequal marriage?

unequal marriage

Unequal marriage: The feeling, which was born as a result of “enduring and loving”, has one flaw – it is defenseless against real passion. As soon as a woman who married without love meets a real passion in her path, that’s all, she is gone. False love immediately capitulates, not even participating in the battle. Passion will sweep away everything in its path: the flowers on the windowsills in the new spacious house, and the fluffy affectionate cat and confidence in the future. Women from the picture of Pukirev in this passion are burned without a trace.

Previously, we laughed and were terrified in our hearts: how is it even possible, how can you treat a woman as a thing, it’s not a chest of drawers, honestly? We used to read about it in books. In the old romantic novels, where the young girl was forcibly married to some kind of decrepit and flabby husband. In this case, the bride was certainly in love with the blacksmith Nicholas or the shoemaker Peter, but could not go against the decision of the family. “She does, love,” said the mother, combing her daughter’s long hair, and preparing her for the first wedding night with her decrepit and barely living husband. But the matter, as a rule, was not so easily solved. The heroine of the novel tolerated, tolerated, served her husband oatmeal for breakfast, wiped his stained chin with a handkerchief, went to bed with him and tolerated his convulsive and short frictions, turning her head to the side and biting her lower lip before blood. Nope, was patient, but not love. Mother’s promises were not kept. The girl still sighed at the shoemaker Peter, or, with hope, she thought that the old man would fix it from day to day, and she would connect her quivering heart, full of true love, with the blacksmith Nicholas.

We read these novels completely with a similar plot and were surprised: well, how is that? After all, you can not treat a person like a thing? This is how much money you have to offer to sell your own daughter? Knowingly knowing, of course, knowing that he is not bothered, no, he will not be bothered and, all the more, he will not fall in love. We were surprised, put the book aside and returned to our world, where, thank God, everything is not so cynical. We have grown up, a new round of civilization has given us brains, and now it is less and less possible to meet newlyweds who have exchanged rings of love, at the insistent request of their parents. So we think. But is it? Of course not. The principle of “endure-love” and now works. He has not gone anywhere, no. And the most amazing, you know what? That very often we launch it ourselves, while not even admitting it to ourselves mentally. We seem to shy him, but the essence has not gone away. We still sell ourselves. Just do it with a humane face.

marriage

You just have to believe, and love will come, you think, but it does not work

We, women, have one amazing feature – we believe in a miracle. No matter how ferocious we are, we don’t wear jeans, we don’t smoke three packs of cigarettes a day, don’t swear heart-rendingly and do not assert our rights on equality marches, inside we don’t change. We believe. Our essence is in faith. Someone believes in gods, someone in God, someone in the Universe, others in the absolute and in nature, someone in love and artificial intelligence – we all share one thing, we believe. Believing is the key verb of a woman. We believe that everything will work out, everything will change, that it will be better this way, we believe that everything will endure, will surely endure and will still be in love. This is our left. This is our female gene.

How else to explain the fact that we still, like three hundred years ago, can plunge into this story and get married without love? Only guided by the belief that everything will turn out, that everything will endure and will still fall in love, we decide on this. Each in this situation has its own reasons, and they are all worthy, and each can be explained. Someone thinks: where else can I find a husband because the woman’s age is short? And I want stability and calm, so as not to rush frantically through clubs and bars, throwing daiquiri. I want to give birth to a child, send him to school, and not to think about where to get money for books and new shoes. And this desire is understandable; it is not subject to discussion, much less condemnation.

But just admit it: isn’t this the continuation of the very theme of the painting by Vasily Pukirev “Unequal Marriage”? Let your husband be younger than the hero of a painting about thirty years old, but you, standing next to him, are still the same girl with lowered eyes. Anyway. Pukirev exaggerated the image, but the essence remained. He showed inequality in age and wealth. We can evaluate it at a different level: a marriage where one loves and the other waits for endurance — a priori unequal.

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True love sweeps away both peace and stability.

And this girl lives, who worried that except for Sergei Ivanovich, no one else would ever come to her and stand on her knee in a stable and calm manner. She grows flowers on the balcony, in August bakes charlotte, in September she collects her son in the first class. He strokes a fluffy cat, which rubs against its legs, in a new spacious lighthouse and is expecting another child. Everything seemed to have worked out for her, everything she dreamed about was realized: she has a house, she drives her car, children and the future — everything is in order. Sergei Ivanovich turned out to be a good person, loves her, pampers her, carries her in his arms and fulfills all her desires. What else to dream?

And she? She respects him. He is a wonderful person. He is about her and their children. You didn’t even have to wait for it to endure – everything grew together by itself. Is not love? – thinks the girl. She does not have to be passionate and hysterical. Love should not be with anguish, it can be calm. Quiet so calm.

And in this, too, our female essence is manifested – we believe. We believe that this is love. She just is not bright and not pressing, but this is also love. She just does not turn everything inside and does not boil hormones in the brain, but this is also love. “This is a response to care and affection that women often take for love. This is a passive feeling, it can turn on any object, like a vine is able to entwine any tree, ”Somerset Maugham wrote in his novel“ The Moon and Groszy ”. And you will live with this feeling, feeling-substitution, feeling-surrogate. And even feel happy.

marriage

But only a feeling that was born as a result of “enduring and loving” has one flaw — it is defenseless against real passion. As soon as a woman who married without love meets a real passion in her path, that’s all, she is gone. False love immediately capitulates, not even participating in the battle. Passion will sweep away everything in its path: the flowers on the windowsills in the new spacious house, and the fluffy affectionate cat and confidence in the future. Women from the picture of Pukirev in this passion are burned without a trace. It’s just that you know about it.

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